on being thirtysomething...

Bruce Tharp

The show was so boring.  The husband would go to work, usually get tempted by some hot secretary, fire the secretary come home, eat dinner and then have sex with the wife or more than likely get into bed and read a book.  The guys would get together for poker night or softball, drink beer and talk about all the secretary’s that they had rebuked that week and what great sex they had with their wife.  Of course someone would have some argument with their spouse, contemplate divorce and then get back together.  The women on the other hand, would get up make breakfast, take the kids to school, call their girlfriends, bitch and complain, pick up the kids from school, come home fix dinner, then have sex with the husband or more than likely, the closing scene would be the couple reading a book in bed.   So are you BORED yet????  I certainly was.  Of course there were high drama moments.  Someone got cancer.  Someone got divorced.  Someone had an affair.  My superior Generation X, deflating Baylor Bubble self thought what a horrible life.  “I’ll never be that way.”

Flash forward 10 years.  My life in Victoria as a 36 year old:

Victoria is a small town.  We are the second oldest settlement in Texas named after a Mexican General or after “Our Lady of Victory”….take your choice.  It is a town of about 60,000.  Farming, Oil and Gas and Chemical Industry make up our main economic basis.  It is a great place to raise kids.  It’s full of old money that isn’t too afraid to mix with the new money.  It is a bit cliquish, but I have found my posse.  Shelly and I count among our close friends: Jason and Sharon- oil money family and owns a printing promotional company; Torin and Melissa- own a jewelry store; George and Debbie- ophthalmologist: Deena and John – landscape business.  We are all relatively stable and successful in our careers.  Our kids have all gone to the same school one time or another and hang out together.  We take trips together.  The guys get together for beer and poker night, and I can always count on at least two caller id’s on the phone when I get home from one of the wives.  As you can guess from the names that we all have been cursed with, we do the country club thing, the social philanthropy thing and just the general hang out thing.  We are recognized in the community as a distinct group and an invitation onto our island is one not to be refused because it will rarely be offered again.   As you can tell, excuse my French, our shit does not stink.

 I get up around 7, have breakfast, and kiss my adorable wife and children good- bye and go to work as do my other posse friends.  My day is usually mundane as far as a Radiologist goes, but there is always that flirt from the occasional nurse at the hospital that gives me that inward smile of “I’ve still got it!”  I usually come home between 3 and 4.  Check my email.  Have dinner, play with the kids and usually am in bed by 10 or 10:30 reading my latest favorite novel.  As for Shelly and the other posse women, they drive the kids to school or carpool in the Suburban 7:45 a.m.  brigade.  Go to the gym for yoga or spin class, come home, fix lunch, do housework, run errands, call one another to synchronize social calendars, finish making dinner that the maid has started, clean up the kitchen, put the children to bed and are in bed with their mates by 10 or 10:30 reading their favorite novel.

As you can tell our lives are quite exciting and fulfilling…….OH MY GOD!!!!!!!.....I am living that [flipping] thirtysomething show!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh hell, what am I going to do now?  My shit doesn’t stink and I live the most boring life in existence.  I have become one of them!  Solution?  I live out of the box!

Now I know that the above paragraphs have probably pissed off a few of you and you are thinking what a pretentious prick.  Well….if the shoe fits.   No seriously, I have found myself at the crossroads of life living the American dream with a great group of friends and living in a wonderful caring community stuck in a complete mundane rut.  I found myself at 36, dull , boring and wondering what do I do now?

Here’s how I got out of my rut.  First and foremost was to redevelop a prayer relationship with God.  I have always been spiritual, but I found myself in my thirties living life and coasting.  I had career, family, friends, and community.  What more did I need?  Simple answer…..God.  He hit me over the head quite a few times-  Personal illness which included chest pains, a malpractice suit, a friend with cancer.  It was only when I started teaching an adult Sunday School class and I started teaching the Prayer of Jabez that the scales fell from my eyes so to speak.  The Jabez prayer is a simple one and it opened a door for me to reconnect with God.  It consists of a few simple words……”Bless me God, Watch over me, Protect me from evil, and expand my spiritual territory.”  I started praying that prayer in my spinning out of control, mundane thirtysomething state, and my life began to change.  God did bless me and my family even more that he already has.  He did and does protect me, watches over me and he has expanded my spiritual territory in more ways than I can even begin to describe.  As my prayer life began to develop it became very apparent that God was telling me something.  “I have blessed you many times over, and I have given you a wonderful life full of opportunities…….USE THEM!”  This is when I started looking for ways to live out of my box.  Do the unexpected.  DIE DOING LIFE, NOT WATCHING LIFE!  You know Nike may have just been inspired by God….Just Do It!

One of the first things that I did was to begin to travel.  Shelly and I have taken some great trips with out kids this past year.  We are seeing the world and educating our kids with the classroom of travel.  To watch your kids see a mountain or snow for the first time is a sight to behold.  To see your kids drink in God’s handiwork is a true blessing.  The second thing I started to do was to begin taking risks.  Not big risks, but to do things that are out of the ordinary, in other words get a damn hobby other than pretending your shit doesn’t stink.  The first blessing in this direction came from my friend George.  Living in a scientific world for so many years really retarded the right side of my brain.  I needed a creative outlet.  Writing was one, but Rick had dropped off the face of the earth and wasn’t asking for any of my diatribes anymore.  My friend George introduced me to the craft of Glass Blowing!!  What a cool thing.  You work with a 2000 degree furnace and molten glass, shaping and creating works of art.  KICK ASS!  I have never felt so fulfilled and more relaxed or more spiritual when I am creating something.  God didn’t create the earth for us…he created the earth and us because it was FUN!  When you take a piece of glass and blow life into it and watch it form and shape into something beautiful you have communed with God.

The third thing I have done is to start becoming more athletic…can you believe it????  I run just for fun, lift weights, swim and have recently taken up rock climbing.  Rock climbing is one of those things you do that gives you a sense of accomplishment.  To take your body and scale up a cliff that is nearly smooth as a baby’s bottom like Spiderman is one big kick in the butt!  What an accomplishment to be able to say I have climbed that rock. I have done what I used to think was impossible.  God had taught me that I can do it.  I can do things I thought impossible.  WOW what a great lesson!

I know a lot of this sounds egocentric, but as I climb that sheer rock cliff I want to shout from the mountaintop!  The age of 36 is not dull, boring and mundane!  God has blessed us and given us the world as his creation to use and to learn from.  Don’t be a couch potato, get out there and live the life he has given you.  Don’t be afraid to talk to him and don’t be afraid to JUST DO IT!  I know that I have and that I am truly blessed in many ways, but most of all I have peace and joy in my heart.  Not to say every day is perfect and that I still don’t get mired down in my mundane life, but with God at my side 40 is looking GREAT!

The Front Porch